Alexander (Zander) Foli Todd Mallet
DOB: 9:41 AM EST, 8/16/2006
Weight: 9 lbs 2 oz [4138 g]
Length: 21 inches [52.5 cm]
Cute Factor: Off the scale. Cutest baby in known universe, confirmed by several leading independent baby cuteness research institutes.
Pictorial evidence for above claims:
Other items of note:
- Driving down an extremely windy, narrow road with no median between the two directions of traffic [the Jamaicaway in Boston], at 11:30 at night, with your wife writhing in labor-induced agony beside you is a little ... nerve-wracking.
- Christina is an absolute champion for pushing out a baby weighing quite a bit more than the average [Yes, I know it's the distribution for Norwegian babies, but if it's good enough for the NIH, it's good enough for me ;-)]. Pushing, for all men who, like me, had no clue what it really involved goes like so: contract all the muscles in your body as strongly as you can, while holding your breath for 10+ seconds; take one breath; repeat muscle contraction + holding breath 4-5 times. Relax for a minute. Do it all over again. For several hours. Oh, and by the way, while doing this you're in a ridiculous amount of pain, drugs or no drugs.
- We have verified full function of Zander's food input and waste output ports.
- Yes, I've changed diapers. Most of them so far, actually. And I've already been christened -- he peed on me the very first time I changed his diaper. Nice to meet you too, dude.
- Do not, I repeat, do not put toothpaste on your baby's butt instead of vaseline. I almost made that mistake because, in the fog of diaper war, the two tubes looked pretty similar. Thankfully, I realized the error of my ways before actually slathering minty-fresh toothpaste all over his little posterior.
- Zander currently has only two states: eating or sleeping, with very quick and easy transitions between these states [Thankfully ! Let's see how long that lasts ...]. He is also not a man to let a full breast go to waste -- he nurses like a champ.
- Your ob/gyn may be gay if, in talking to you about your labor, he quotes lines from Barbara Streisand songs, namely: "What's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget." Simply outstanding.
- I was under the impression that the good folks at the hospital will assist you in installing a baby car seat base into your car. Not so. All they do is tell you how to do the easy part: strapping your baby into the car seat, which is about as necessary as the little recorded message at the beginning of a flight telling you how to fasten your seatbelt. To get a "certified" car seat installation, you have to go by a police station. After driving to the two nearest police stations with a jury-rigged installation and finding out that we needed to make actual appointments, we decided to call it a day and just head for home. Parents for only two days and we're already being cavalier about our baby's safety...
In any case, we're back home and settling in. More dispatches as deemed relevant.